


The nerds, the interns, and the cannibal.

by CrowsAce, thecatcreature



Category: Hannibal (TV), IT Crowd
Genre: A Lot of Death, ALL the tags, Cannibalism, Circuit Boards, Comedy, Computers, Countdown, Culture Shock, Death, Destruction, Funny, Gay, Geeks, I mean come one... it is Hannibal, I'll tag more if necessary, Lesbian, Multi, Murder Husbands, Operas, Silly, Slightly dark themes but mostly comedy, The crossover no one expected, all consenting, anything goes really - Freeform, but here it is anyway, grammar, have you tried turning it off and on again?, murders, nerds, slow burn in all relationships btw, straight - Freeform, the one no-one actually wants!, the one no-one thought of, who is a cannibal
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-20
Updated: 2017-08-20
Packaged: 2018-12-17 18:13:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,810
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11856942
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CrowsAce/pseuds/CrowsAce, https://archiveofourown.org/users/thecatcreature/pseuds/thecatcreature
Summary: The IT Crowd and Hannibal crossover that no one asked for and no one wanted. Starring myself and my friend, two interns at Reynholm industries. Sent to the basement where they encounter two nerds, a Jen and a goth. Curiosity, Cradle of Filth, Opera ... lead to the discovery of a dark secret.





	The nerds, the interns, and the cannibal.

Ace and Cat found themselves sat in a rather luxurious office across from a man who was staring them down rather intently, Ace's gaze kept flickering from the man to a photo of said man that he had hung on the wall behind him, showing the exact same expression. If it wasn't for the photo being smaller in size she would assume there was two of him.

Cat however kept her gaze firmly locked onto the man in front (and not on the picture) one would perhaps think that Cat was enraptured and eager with whatever the man had to say, but in reality she was actually thinking about cats.

"Right!" The man exclaimed causing both girls to jerk slightly in response.

"I hope you both didn't mind that, I like to give my new employee's a long hard stare." Both girls nodded in understanding.

"Well then it says here on your joint resumes that you both had good computer knowledge. Do tell me more?"

"Well, " Ace began, "We're quite good with handling and analysing data." "We know how to deal with emails and send cute cat photos." "All in all we are considered highly skilled and we think that not only would we gain great experience here but so would you Mr. Reynholm." Ace said nodding wisely even though part way through she had lost her train of thought and was thinking of the cute cat photos her friend had sent her.

"Yes! You two know your stuff! And I think I know just where to place you!"

* * *

 

"The basement?" Cat said quizzically as she eyed the moldy and decrepit 'B' button.

"Yes! That is the best place for the two of you girls to prosper within my company."

And with that the elevators door were sealed shut and their fate was set.

"Well how bad can it be?" Ace questioned.

Cat gave her a look and began to list the reason as to just how bad it could be, halfway through however Ace had pulled out her headphone and started listening to MISSIO on her phone. 

It seemed an eternity before they had finally reached their destination. In this length of time, civilisations rose and fell, turning to dust. Rome was built up and then vanquished, the Dodo became extinct, and the dinosaurs withered away.

"Basement floor, please get out," the elevator voice pronounced.

Ace took out her headphones, "Ah here we go then." 

The elevator doors had only partially opened, leaving just a wide enough gap for the girls to squeeze through. "Great first impression," Cat frowned as she watched Ace make her way out of the lift, as the elevator voice continued to rather rudely tell them to get out of the elevator. 

"I'm sure this is gonna be fine ... " Ace trailed off as she saw the state of the hallway they had entered. It looked like a warzone: doors hanging off their hinges, random bits of office furniture flung about, holes in the walls, and a terrifying amount of pipes shooting out gas. 

"Just needs a bit of DIY done, it's all good," Ace said cheerfully as she began to make her way cautiously down the hall Cat followed behind even more cautious than cautiously.

Cat looked to the side to see a door with a toilet symbol, "Oh look, a bathroom." Pushing the door open she barely had time to adjust to what she was seeing when the voice of the man yelling at her finally hit her ears; quickly slamming shut the door she continued to follow wide eyed behind Ace,  _Surely,_ she thought to herself, _surely this place couldn't get any worse._

Finally Ace stopped in front of a door that was also slightly moldy that said 'IT Department.' Ace s"wallowed nervously and looked back to her friend. 

"What if they don't like us, what if they have a uniform policy and we look like... this." Ace gestured to her appearance, she currently adorned a pair of ripped skinny jeans a pair of black shiny Doc Martens and a Bring me the Horizon top and had her hair all puffed up and flung over one shoulder, even the colour of it had faded to an odd greeny grey, (and yes I do wear/look this in real life, #PunkLife) she had kept make-up to a min, only putting on some concealer and powder to keep her looking semi alive and a bit of mascara to make her eyelashes look even better than normal and to make her creepy blue  eyes look even more soul sucking.

Cat too was wearing black skinny jeans though hers had no rips and a red jumper that had 'Mother of Dragons' across it. She too was also wearing a min amount of makeup, just enough to look alive, she had mainly put on a ton of under eye concealer to hide the bags caused by sleep deprivation, and had also applied mascara, though she knew her eyelashes will never be as long as Ace's (that bitch) but alas what can be done about it, at least it framed her dark brown eyes well enough.

"It will be just fine like you said, now come on... open the door."

"...I don't want to."

"Ace-"

"But its all gross."

Sighing Cat pushed by her, pulling the sleeve of her jumper over her hand she opened the door.

The room inside was vastly different to the outside. It was a nerd utopia; band and film posters lined the walls, and various merchandise from fandoms and franchises were scattered about the place. 

"My god, we're amongst our people, Cat!" Ace gasped. 

The went further inside the room, and began looking over all the interesting objects held within. 

"Look, Ace, they've got so many Marvel related stuff!" Cat exclaimed happily, picking up a Thor figurine, as Cat was happily perusing through some DC comics that had been left on a table. Engrossed in their exploration of the room, they had not noticed four figures had entered the room.

"What are you doing with my vintage collectible Thor figurine!" a voice gasped, causing Cat and Ace to jump out of their skins and turn around. Ace dropped the comics back onto the table, whilst Cat kept hold of Thor.

Standing in the room were two standard nerds, a woman in a business suit and a Goth man. 

One of the nerds looked over at Cat, horrified and turned to the taller nerd, "Roy! Are you seeing this? She's holding my Thor figurine! No one can hold it but me Roy! Roy! Why is she still holding it? Roy! Who is this girl? Roy!"

The taller nerd began talking, an irish accent clearly distinguishable. "Calm down Moss, she's not going to melt it with her germs." He rolled his eyes at his distressed friend, and then turned to the girls. "But who the blazes are you two?" 

The one called Moss had turned to the woman now: "Jen! Tell her to let go of Thor! Jen!"

The woman sighed. "Oh for god's sake Moss, it's just a toy." 

Moss continued glaring at the girl, when the Goth suddenly made a grand statement. In a deep voice he pronounced, "I had a toy once. A long time ago." He looked up as he said this, his arms reaching out as to grab a memory long since passed. Jen and Roy groaned, and the two girls turned around to see what the man was looking in the distance. They gave each other confused looks, as all there was in that direction was a cobweb. Ace shrugged at Cat and then cleared her throat, turning towards the group.

"Well... I suppose some introductions are in order, My name is Ace and this is my friend Catmadperson, we're your new interns." Ace said beaming. 

Roy looked over at Cat with a bemused expression.

"Catmadperson," He began, his irish accent seemed even more pronounced as his voice went slightly higher. "That's an... oddly specific name."

Cat nodded in agreement. "A Gypsy soothsayer predicted to my parents what kind of person I was going to be... I suppose they really wanted to encourage me to be the best at what I was destined to be good at."

Roy looked at her for a moment an expression of intense-what can only be described as pain-filtered across his face. "That sounds... lovely."

"But please just call me Cat."

"That still doesn't explain why you were touching my figurine." Moss called back, clearly still hung up over the incident, though to be fair, Cat had yet to put it down.

"Oh well I'm a big fan of marvel you see so I was just admiring it." She gently placed it back down and put her hands behind her back, "Next time I'll just admire with my eyes."

"Good!" Moss walked quickly over, grabbed the figurine and then moved far away from Cat, taking out a pack of cleaning wipes from his pocket and began thoroughly wiping down Thor. Ace looked at him in concern. 

The woman, called Jen, coughed and then became to speak, "So you're interns? For us? Interns for the IT department?"

Ace nodded. "Denholm said are skills and knowledge would be put to good use down here."

Roy scoffed looking over at the girls, getting a sense of deja-vu "Oh really."

"Yes."

"Qualified and skilled."

"Yep."

"Then tell me little miss Ace of Spades. What does IT stand for."

Ace barked out a laugh at the question. "Well that's way too easy and obvious, IT stands for information technology."

"Oh! So that's what it means!" Jen exclaimed excitedly, finally knowing the answer after all these years.

"You didn't know what IT stood for?" Cat asked in a little confusion. "But aren't you the head of IT?"

Everyone turned to look at her, in a little confusion. "How did you know that? Did Denholm tell you about me?" Jen questioned. "See guys," she excitedly turned to the guys. "Denholm does notice my contribution to this department, he recognises my commitment -"

Before she could carry on however, Cat interrupted, "Actually I guessed that since you're the only one wearing a suit. Plus it says 'Jen Barber, head of IT and relationship manager' on that door over there."

Jen looked a little deflated. "Oh." There was an awkward silence. 

"Well," came the deep voice of the Goth, right behind Ace, causing her to jump as she hadn't notice him sneak up behind her. "It is time for me to depart back to my kingdom of darkness and dust, goodbye new people." And with a swoosh of his cape, he dramatically pranced away to a red door, pulling it open and then slamming it shut behind him.

"I didn't know Richmond had a cape," said Jen.

"Well, he does now," Roy sighed wearily. 

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Hey dudes and dudettes and marionettes we hoped you enjoyed this first chapter, and yes we were slightly drunk when we wrote this but we think it went well. Well, we hope it went well. If you like it, let us know. If you don't - don't let us know. We have fragile egos.


End file.
